


Impossible Year

by snailthesaints (orphan_account)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Coming Out, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Conversion Therapy, Internalized Homophobia, Other, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, transboy!frank, transgirl!Gee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:29:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5826985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/snailthesaints
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Gerard, I should probably tell you something about myself" Frank started. Gerard looked up at him giving a small smile. "Have you heard the term transgender?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossible Year

**Author's Note:**

> this is so :// and as a queer as heck non binary kid, actually v triggering, so i just wanna say read with caution.
> 
> I DO NOT SUPPORT OR CONDONE ANY OF THE THINGS VOICED, THESE ARE THE CHARACTER'S BELIEFS, NOT MINE.

Gerard scanned the crowds of his new school, looking out for someone, not that he knew who. Just someone with a little too much eyeliner for a male or hair a little too short for a female. Someone who knew what it was like. He didn’t even realise he did but he always did and it was always to no avail. He knew he was disgusting and sinful and twisted, he knew he was a worthless human for the feelings he had but deep down, he always wished to find another worthless human.

Immediately however, he pushed the feelings out, his stomach knotting as momentary flashbacks to all the times they burned him when he showed his wicked ways infiltrated his thoughts. He hated himself. He was disgusting and gross, should’ve never been born. He was sick. Broken. He was a homosexual, a tranny, but they had just fixed him.

Suddenly, the bell went. Gerard mentally forced himself into getting his shit together, pulling his sleeves down over his scarred wrists, although careful to make sure it didn't come across too feminine, this was his fresh start, he needed to make a good impression. He wasn’t cured yet, not at all, everytime he saw his reflection he winced and everytime someone called him his name he flinched, but no one could know. No one could know he had these vile feelings, he was lucky, he had a second chance, the opportunity to make something of himself and he couldn’t let them get in the way.

He had already collected his locker number and schedule so went and queued up outside his class. His stomach was doing somersaults but he tried not to let it show. Only fag’s get nervous over silly little things. He wasn’t a fag.

Although plagued by anxiety, everyone’s stares torturous, he settled in well into his first lesson, blending into the background as much as he could. The class was average, full of moody teenagers. Most of them scared Gerard but he had to be careful, he had to embrace his manly teenage anger, aversion to it showed his sinful femininity.

The day went pretty much without any interesting events, until last lesson, gym. Gerard hid in the changing room toilets while everyone got changed, nowhere near confident enough to partake in gym let alone change with all the boys. He knew sports were vital to his treatment but he couldn't do it and he hated himself for that. He stayed behind the locked door not realising he had been crying until 5 minutes into lesson he quickly wiped away his tears with disgust and stepped into the empty changing room.

As soon as he caught sight of his reflection he flinched away, disgusted, sickened by it.

"Dude" A voice came from the corner of the room. Gerard jumped, he thought he was alone "Dude, I don't know why you're scared of your reflection because you're looking hot as fuck"

Gerard began to feel sick, those words were so... homosexual. Suddenly he realised he should probably respond.

"Th-thank you" he stuttered out, feeling ashamed, looking at the floor like the girl he was.

"You bunking off as well?"

Gerard shrugged, his mind racing. He hadn’t planned on bunking but he couldn’t see himself going into lesson with all the boys.

"Are you okay?" the guy asked slightly softer. Gerard looked over at him, he was short, in skinny jeans and a hoodie with dark bangs poking out, shaved sides slightly visible. A cocktail of emotions bubbled up inside Gerard as he noted the eyeliner and feminine smirk. Had he found another... sinful human?

"Y-yeah" he replied shakily but the guy didn't seem convinced.

"Wanna come for smoke?" he asked.

Gerard shrugged worried as to what to say.

"You can if you want, just sit with me, I don't bite"

He shrugged again wishing the ground would eat him.

"The name's Frank by the way" the guy said walking towards the changing room door.

"Uh G-Gerard" he muttered, physically feeling a pang in his chest as he said it.

"So you new here?"

"Yeahh"

They walked out the changing room together as they spoke, smoking it was. Gerard wasn't entirely sure why he was following him, but he found something about the guy comforting. He needed to hang out with other guys anyway and this wasn't his homosexual tendencies coming out, he had been cured.

Frank told Gerard a bunch of stuff about when he was the new kid, although he missed a few key details. He wasn’t sure why though, he didn’t really fear telling him, something told him he would understand. In fact he wouldn’t mind getting to know Gerard a little.

“So, tell me about yourself” Frank said as they sat down cross legged under a tree round the back of the school, though Gerard seemed nothing but uncomfortable.

“I’m uh Gerard, I’m sixteen” he replied.

“I gathered that” Frank chuckled “What else, what are you into?”

“I don’t know” he sighed.

“Oh come on there must be something, music? art?”

“Art!” he replied a little too quickly “well no not really, I mean I used to but no, I like music though, but uh not all”

Frank smiled to himself, this kid seemed like a creative individual and guessed he backtracked so quickly because of his evident nerves.

“Nice” he said, lighting up a cigarette “What bands are you into?”

“I-I don’t know. Anything really”

“Oh okay I hoped you had an interest in specific bands” he laughed awkwardly.

“I do- but I don’t- sorry ignore me”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Frank asked softly. It was obvious to him, he had a lot of anxiety and it almost hurt to see it in someone other than himself.

“Yeah, sorry”

“It’s okay man, no need to apologise” he tried to reassure.

“Okay. Th-thank you, I guess”

There was a slight pause until to Frank’s surprise Gerard spoke up.

“So what music are you into?” he asked.

“Bands, like a fuck ton” Frank smiled and Gerard nodded for him to continue “I really like the punk scene round here, like I like big bands but I’m happiest when I’m seeing live music in a skanky new jersey bar”

Gerard nodded.

“Seen any bands?” Frank asked.

“Uh no”

“Any live music at all?”

Gerard shook his head looking away.

“Dude, you’re missing out on so much!” Frank exclaimed “Fuck, you’ll have to come with me to my next gig”

“No! I mean I’d love to well not love but yeah uh my parents wouldn’t let me”

“It’s only down the road, you could be home for 10, I don’t see why they’d mind”

“They would, trust me”

***

Over the next few weeks Gerard and Frank grew quite close. Well as close as you could with Gerard. They learned quite a lot about eachother, more so Gerard learning about Frank but the rare moments Frank got Gerard to open up, he liked what he heard.

That could be why Frank felt he could tell Gerard something he’d only told 2 people there so far, he was already tired of living in stealth with him. They walked over to the tree they smoked under and sat down just like before.

"So, did you hear about caitlyn Jenner?" Frank started out, testing the water.

"No?" Gerard shrugged "Whose that?"

"This reality star, everyone must know her"

Gerard shook his head.

"I don't watch reality shows"

"Don't blame you, they're crap" Frank laughed not wanting to have to explain Caitlyn's story before his own. Apparently she's a homophobic ass anyway.

He sat thinking for a moment, he planned on starting a conversation from there but part of him wanted to just say it outright, not make a big deal. He knew Gerard would be cool with it anyway, he somehow sensed it.

"Gerard, I should probably tell you something about myself" he started. Gerard looked up at him giving a small smile "Have you heard the term transgender?"

Gerard looked away quickly an unreadable expression on his face, a combination of confusion, surprise and almost horror.

"No" he said quickly. Frank frowned puzzled. He didn't know what he expected but it wasn't that.

"Okay, well uh it's when you're gender isn't the one you were assigned at birth" he murmured.

"...and th-thats you?" Gerard asked shakily.

"Yep"

"That's..." Gerard trailed off looking for something to say, his expression still unreadable "Sinful"

Immediately Frank's jaw dropped to the floor. It felt like he had been punched in the stomach as the word went round his head, he didn't realise but he was fighting back tears. Was he fucking hearing right?

"What!?" He asked eventually, anger now boiling up inside him.

"You're like sick- I'm sorry uh y-you need h-help I-I fuck s-sorry" Gerard got out eventually. Despite the obvious fear in Gerard's voice Frank was fucking fuming he was hearing these words.

"You fucking asshole" he spat "You're the sick one. I can't fucking believe I even talked to you. Actually just fuck off"

And he stormed away before punching a tree and breaking down crying, Gerard just around the corner sobbing uncontrollably.

They didn't speak to eachother again after that.

**Author's Note:**

> soo yea
> 
> fuck
> 
> okay, right so idk whether to leave this as a really sad one shot, or to do some more, maybe make a full length novel thing ?? or like a one shot series ?? or a short story ?? idk man. also it's quite hard to write, like i gotta be in the right mindset, and I do have a lil more written but i feel like leaving it here would be quite a good natural ending idk.
> 
> follow me on twitter @spaceoddigee and dont---try on tumblr


End file.
